Grey Aliens, Abductions and...Hybrids?

No term is more recognizable in Ufology than “The Greys,” and yes, I’m here to talk about them on yet another podcast—for the 13 millionth time. Lucky you! But instead of the typical dark, creepy and terrifying details, which don't worry, we'll still get into—I tried to bring some comedy to our ol' grey friends. Plot twist, they totally aren't our friends. Freakin' pricks.

If you know anything about the Greys, you know their sightings had been reported for years. And beyond their massive heads, enormous black eyes and general coldness—they also seemed intent on (allegedly) co-creating with humans. Bow chicka wow wow! Sorry. Turns out, this co-creation didn’t make “starseeds” (we’ll get into those next episode). Nope, it made hybrids. Part Grey alien, part human. DUN DUN DUN!

Is it true? Am I mentally unwell? I suppose those two things can, and probably do, co-exist. But regardless, the Greys are an arguably necessary, if not overdone, topic in the alien world, and chances are you’ve heard of them whether you’re into this stuff or not.

So let’s evaluate the Greys—who, for many years, were anything but conspicuous and definitely got people talking...especially after casually landing at an elementary school in South Africa and striking up a conversation with some students. No big deal.

Written and hosted by Seth Borkowski in collaboration with The Daily Drunk Mag.

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Music, sound design, editing, and additional voices by Louis Palfrey—mastermind behind your smooth listening experience (and the reason you won’t hear me open-mouth coughing). Check out more of his work at louispalfrey.com.

Transcript

Hello my friends, Now I don't know what circumstances led to you being here, but you found yourself at a podcast pretending to be about spirituality, but really about aliens called The Spiritual Skeptic by The Daily Drunk Mag.

My name's Seth Borkowski, former skeptic and continued douchebag. Strap on your helmet’s motherfuckers - it's about to get weird.

Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in. Alright, you asked for it, welcome to episode 1 of the spiritual skeptic. Today we’ll be talking about Grey Aliens, Abductions and hybrids; also known as half human/half aliens.

So, the best place to start with ET’s is quote “The Greys” or the little gray aliens, like the emoji you’ve probably seen on your phone. If you know anything at all about ET’s, you probably have some familiarity with the Greys and I had an experience not long ago that partially inspired this episode. No, I’m sorry to disappoint I wasn’t abducted, at least not that I’m aware of, but fuck that would have been kind of cool, no?

Long story short, I had to get surgery. They put me to sleep and when I woke up, it was kind of alarming and discombobulating because I was surrounded by medical staff and I couldn't identify anyone because they all had masks on. Allegedly, I said “Oh my god, you animals - go on - take absolute advantage of me.”

I do remember thinking however - this is what it's like to be abducted by extraterrestrials and to clarify, my sissy surgery is not what it’s like to be abducted, but abductees often report waking up on a medical table and Grey aliens, with giant, almond shaped, black eyes are staring at them, which I would imagine is pretty fucking overwhelming.

Like if I got abducted, I’d be scared, not that scared though because I’m a pretty tough guy.

Mom get out of here I’m recording my alient podcast!

But if I did get abducted at least I would know, to an extent, what was going on because I’ve read so much about this stuff, but someone who didn’t know about ET’s or believe in their existence, I can’t even imagine. OK enough about my wannabe abduction, let's get back to the Greys.

SO, the Greys were abducting people as far back as the fifties and sixties, but so many of these abductees stayed silent and if they DID speak about their encounters, it was basically social suicide and lets be clear, social suicide is something I deeply understand ever since a game of spin the bottle in 5th grade that ended with everyone calling me a prude. I still don’t forgive you, Malorie Steinberg. Fucking bitch.

But imagine that for a second. Think like Pleasantville or WandaVision, these sort of old school, nuclear, traditional families on black and white tv that say stuff like “Gee whizz, I’d sure love me a soda pop!” You know, god fearing, religious people, with no belief whatsoever in ET’s, that were in for a rude awakening when they woke up on a table with a room full of Grey aliens probing them. I mean, maybe some of them liked it as they fulfilled their church shunned homosexual pleasures “omg get that probe out of my ass you naughty ET” and I want to clarify I’ve NEVER had that fantasy, DON’T go spreading that rumor, how dare you…BUT putting alien fantasies aside, these folks would get abducted, come home, not understand what happened, but the core of their religious identity or the idea that we are alone in this world (which is false, DUH), would be shattered…IF they even remembered exactly what happened because those sneaky little aliens can actually block or cover your memories like a technological roofie. I’ve also heard it called “screen memories” so post abduction probing you’d just think you were sleeping the whole time. Really sick shit and I’ll continue to touch on this later.

Either way, it seems no one came back from an abduction feeling young and spry—you’d feel exhausted and inexplicably violated, like my wife after she found out I used her toothbrush.

SO, these folks are planted back into their nuclear home, post-abduction, and it’s not like it happens once. These Greys are relentless, and these folks still have to go about their nuclear day as Ma puts a smile on, baking a peach cobbler for little Jack because that little shit is obsessed with peach cobbler even though they’re out of fucking season. And again, if they say a word about what happened, they're ruined, especially if they’re religious. And YES I know this is conspiracy talk, but the government has never wanted people talking about aliens or abductions because they always have and will continue to go to extreme lengths to cover up the truth about ET’s…

OK, OK, let’s talk about actual alien stuff. So the level one, if you will, of ET’s is UFOs or unidentified flying objects. Let's not pretend there aren’t plenty of photos, poorly shot videos, and eyewitness testimonies of UFO sightings. There’s also weird craft descriptions too. Crafts that are pill-shaped, triangular, lots of lights, unusually silent and able to dart around inexplicably fast. That’s just a few random details, but the underlying point is—aliens have way better technology than us. They wouldn’t be impressed with ChatGPT, OK? If you brought up ChatGPT at an alien bar you’d be the laughing stock of the group. Or they’d be concerned for your mental health. Like if Ronald brought up ChatGPT to aliens at a bar they’d be like, “That’s right Ronald, ChatGPT is a helpful tool…now let’s get that diaper fastened.” I don’t know who Ronald is, but in this scenario he’s wearing diapers. Sorry Ronald.

The more profound question of course is—who’s inside of these crafts?! There are actually many species of extraterrestrials, my friends. We're friends, right?

You may have heard about species like the Greys or the reptilians, and some other popular ones are pleiadians, andromedans, sirians, and arcturians. Or maybe you’ve heard of none of them because you know, you have a life.

I remember I was talking to one of my close friends, who’s very skeptical, and I was kind of pitching him on aliens. And at the end he was like, “OK fine, I believe in aliens, but what do you want me to do? I still have bills to pay and I still feel uncomfortable taking a shit at my girlfriend's apartment.”

Anyway, the most recognizable ET’s are of course the Greys. And here’s a little statistic for you—73% of all reported alien encounters in the United States are with what are known as Grey aliens. Also, to further clarify how they look—they have giant, elongated, round heads, enormous, dark black almond eyes, no nose, and a slit for a mouth. They’re also very lanky, skinny, and frail with three fingers on each hand. Normally I’d never body shame, but sorry Greys, you’re fucking hideous.

So who are they? Greys are inconceivably brilliant creatures (as many aliens are). It seems merely being in their presence is overwhelming because they're so powerful. It's the kind of thing that can give you like seasickness—and don’t sleep on seasickness, it’s truly horrible.

I actually went to a bachelor party years ago in Colombia, which sounds way cooler than it was because I had diarrhea the entire time. Anyway, we all went on a day cruise and everyone got insanely seasick, including myself. I had every intention to bring Dramamine because I know seasickness doesn’t fuck around, but I forgot it at our hotel and everyone was mad at me…and I realized at the end of the day, after suffering through hours of seasickness, that the Dramamine was in my pocket the entire time. I never admitted that to anyone but if any of you from that Colombia trip are listening, I’m sorry.

OK, OK you get it—being around the Greys can basically make you feel seasick. Also, the Greys and mostly all aliens it seems, communicate telepathically. If you don’t know what that means, they can basically implant conversations in your head…in other words, when they speak to you, they're not doing it through their mouths—they're literally speaking to you through your brain. I’m not sure how else to explain telepathy outside of that so google it if you’re not getting it…you idiot.

They also possess technology that allows them to travel at distances currently not thought possible. I swear to god, I often think about this while sitting on an airplane for hours like—Jesus Christ, aliens, put Delta out of business already. I'm also really tired of having to dump my water out before security only to pay $9 for a bottle of fucking Smart Water.

And last but not least, it's apparent that these and many extraterrestrials are ancient creatures that have been around for a very, very long time.

Now I want to preface this continued discussion by noting that in most media, if the Greys are being discussed, it’s always portrayed in a haunting, creepy, fear-inducing kind of way.

And let's be very clear, the now defunct (I’ll explain this shortly) abduction phenomena is terrifying, 100%. I say that in particular because I would never want to diminish the horrors that abductees went through. However, aliens are like people in the sense that—some are good and some are steaming piles of shit. Unfortunately, the Greys were an astoundingly large, steaming pile of shit, but thankfully there are many benevolent extraterrestrials—like the delightful pleiadians, who actually orchestrated the banishment of Greys abducting humans. Thank you pleiadians, but also—the fuck took you so long?

So we move onto the why—why the fuck are they even abducting humans? The first time I understood more of the “why” was from a documentary called First Contact starring Darryl Anka. Anka claims to be an extraterrestrial channeler which I’m sure doesn’t sound insane at all. Briefly, a channeler is someone that has the ability to communicate with ET’s the same way a psychic medium might communicate with spirits. In Daryl’s case, he channels a specific ET called Bashar and the actual channeling process involves Bashar allegedly overtaking his body and using Darryl as sort of a ventriloquist dummy to communicate his messages through Darryl. I’ve read he’s one of the few legit ones (for whatever my random reading with no cited sources is worth), but he does host many events and retreats—not that retreats correlate to legitimacy. Either way, First Contact by Darryl Anka is definitely a movie worth checking out.

So, in a channeling session from the movie, Bashar explains through Daryl—stick with me…that the Greys, over thousands of years, lost the ability to reproduce and in a desperate attempt to save their race, started visiting Earth to co-create with us which is very much a “OK crazyyyy person, thanks for your time I’m out of here” but I’m just reporting the news, people!

Also, not to overly rabbit hole here, but many abductees are successfully able to recall their abduction experience after undergoing hypnosis or “regression therapy.” This type of therapy is necessary because as mentioned, Greys have the ability to block or implant “screen memories.” Keep up, or you're going straight to the chokey, mister! I’m sorry, my therapist says I often have delusions of grandeur in which I think I’m Ms. Trunchbull.

Moving on, a fascinating tidbit that’s often shared by regressed abductees is they see humans with strange features on spaceships. People that look like humans, but kind of off. And that's because they are in fact the hybrid beings being created from these abductions. Fucking weird dude!

Also, a book that I really enjoyed was called Raechel's Eyes: The Strange but True Case of a Human-Alien Hybrid. The bio about the book on Amazon starts with:

“This is Marisa Littrell’s true story, told by her mother Helen. Marisa was blind, and in order to help with her college expenses, she shared her apartment with the mysterious Raechel. Marisa became concerned when it appeared that Raechel had no past. Little things Raechel said and did aroused frightening suspicions in Marisa, which led to conclusions so incredible that she could not tell anyone, for fear of being thought crazy. Marisa had to confront her fears and face the consequences alone. In doing so she was exposed to an alien world existing behind the looking glass.”

And it reads that quote—It answers the two important questions of why aliens have not landed on the White House lawn and why they haven’t taken over the Earth.

OK come on, that is good stuff! And frankly, what are you still doing listening to me? You could be reading that book. Be smart, turn this podcast off. Don’t, I’m kidding. 

There’s a great, hallmark point made there as well—the incessant probing of people who say “If aliens exist, why don't they land on the White House lawn?”

First of all, have a little fucking respect for landscapers, OK? Lawn maintenance is no easy task. Second, aliens (particularly Greys, but many others) have shown themselves thousands of times to people all over the world. Third, the Greys have an agenda and that agenda has NOTHING to do with announcing themselves. Theoretically, if you were trying to save your dying race through crossbreeding, you probably don’t have much time nor interest in a fucking pitstop on the White House lawn.

As for other aliens, without getting too far off track, their approach to human contact is more like a controlled science experiment where they slowly introduce themselves to humanity. Slowly! A UFO here, a spiritual ayahuasca encounter there, but sloooowly…because they’re smart enough to realize, if they just showed up and said hi at your local Dave & Buster's, everyone would freak the fuck out. Side note, is there any establishment more wonderful than Dave & Buster's? Seriously though, if the truth of aliens were to get out, humanity would crumble. We couldn’t handle it, so it has to be done slowly over time. That’s right, you can’t handle the truth damn it, but they exist so don’t worry, I’ll hold your hand through this. I should note though, I do have horrendous eczema, but too late—you already held my hand haha!

Returning to hybrids, how is it done? How do Greys successfully mate with us? Those sick fucks.

The alien birthing process isn’t my favorite pastime, but neither is crapping in a public restroom—alas, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I sourced a lot of this info from the movie Extraordinary: The Seeding which you can purchase on Amazon Prime.

The way it all reportedly starts, is a human would see a craft and later that night, that same craft would abduct them. Stalkers. Once on the ship, the Greys would do some experiments and tests.

On the second abduction, ova or sperm is extracted, and alien genetics are introduced in vitro or through sexual contact with the ET. Vomit. But kinda hot? But mostly vomit. Fully vomit, obviously. Let’s move on. You’ve been weird.

Next, there's another abduction and an embryo is implanted. Finally, after four months, a woman is abducted and her fetus is removed. Somehow they have the ability to remove and safely maintain its life. Show-offs.

Now, the next abduction is fucking wild. The fifth time around is (ordinarily) when the man or woman are shown their hybrid children. It’s like a goddamn TV show—Meet the Hybrids. Again, these are hybrids so they look weird because, reminder: Grey aliens are, to put it mildly, fucking hideous. And I’m sorry to say it, but these hybrid creations have strange features like massive eyes and stringy hair, but the Greys don’t care—they’re orchestrating meetings. More on that in a moment.

Finally, on the last abduction, fake memories are implanted so the abductee doesn't recall the event. Bastards.

One of the most famous regression therapists is Barbara Lamb (she also wrote a fascinating book called Meet the Hybrids). I actually hired her for a session because I’m out of my mind. I didn’t think I was abducted, but I became so interested in ETs around the pandemic, I thought perhaps I’d unknowingly had contact. Or that’s just the danger of not leaving your apartment for extended periods of time—you start to think you had ET contact. My poor wife.

Anywho, the session was kind of like hypnosis. She led me through a long meditation until I was basically out of it and then started very slowly moving toward ET-related questions.

Sorry to be a disappointment, but I didn’t have any specific memories about being abducted, but I DID have the most random thoughts come to mind which are probably not interesting at all, but I’m obviously going to share them with you.

In 2010 during my summer off from college I worked at a day camp and there was a counselor I worked closely with. She was a nice kid, very young, sort of shy, and I truthfully had not thought about her for a single second beyond that summer. However, she suddenly came up during the reading. I kept thinking about and visualizing her eyes—they were HUGE!

I also had this vivid memory of us at a party and she was cozying up next to this guy and HE had some sort of weird eye issue—it almost looked like he had a blood stain on his left eye, it was noticeable and I remember I kept asking him questions about it and he was uncomfortable. And despite what my therapist describes as “narcissism unlike anything she’s ever encountered,” it’s not typical of me to probe someone about their looks.

I actually have port wine stains on my foot so my foot is basically red (hybrid anyone?) and I hate when people ask me “what happened to your foot” so it's really NOT like me to ever inquire with someone and ask “what happened,” but I remember being weirdly curious, almost like I subconsciously knew something was off. Shortly after, the two of them sort of disappeared together into the obscurity of a very expansive, Long Island backyard.

What does it mean? Probably that two young people one summer were hooking up and that’s literally it, but WHY out of the billions of thoughts that could have come up—and billions is being conservative, I have a very impressive brain—but why did that thought come up? Perhaps they were two hybrids hiding in plain sight… probably not to be honest, but weird memories aside let’s go back to the Greys introducing hybrids to their abducted human parents—WHY would the Greys even bother? What is your END GAME, Greys?

We already know the Greys aren’t doing anything from the kindness of their hearts. It’s all robotic, apathetic necessity, but APPARENTLY… if a hybrid child does not have some sort of interaction with their biological parents, they are prone to fall into poor health. The power of love prevails!

Now, in this documentary there’s one woman’s story that always stuck with me. Every single person in the film shows their face except her and she specifically talks about the fifth abduction, or meeting her child. She recalls being taken to a cave and seeing a Grey alien with a hybrid—or in her words, an “unhealthy looking girl.” Frankly, a description that’s been used to identify me many times.

Fun fact, the rabbi that married my wife and I was super nervous and when we went to kiss he said, “The bride may kiss the bride!” Fanfuckingtastic rabbi!

So in the cave the Grey says to the woman, quote, “Mother her.” In other words, show her affection, love her, whatever. Also, that really goes to show you how truly removed from our emotions the Greys are when they basically say, “Hey, do us a favor, show some love to this weird looking kid, even though we woke you up in the middle of the night and brought you to this creepy cave, but don’t worry we’ll wait, take your time. Also, sorry about our appearance, but just to remind you, we’re aliens. Also she’s your daughter, we swear.”

I mean, if you’re gonna force her to love this kid, at least bring her to an Embassy Suites or perhaps the GREATEST place on Earth—Dave & Buster’s. Please sponsor this show, Dave & Buster’s.

So the woman recounts her experience seeing what is allegedly her hybrid child, and the child apparently spoke to her telepathically with a great deal of intensity and said, “Don't come near me. I don't want anything to do with you. Do not come near me.”

As a side note, I’d be so mad if my theoretical hybrid kid spoke to me like that. “OK fine you little shit, you’re adopted anyway.” Seriously though, I always found that alleged interaction fascinating and I like the animation used in the film. Who doesn’t love some alien cartoons? No, I’m not talking about anime porn you pervert—and sure maybe I had an ex who mocked my collection, but it’s art! Art I say! COMEINAHYEEEAAAHHAAAAA!

Saving Silverman, anyone?

Back to the documentary, one more story I’ll share is about Melinda Leslie. Melinda is also an abductee and had similar experiences with a hybrid child. She is a clairvoyant and when I visited Sedona I actually got a mediumship reading from her—because what else would I fucking do?

In the film, Melinda recounts meeting her hybrid daughter for the first time and upon seeing her, immediately turned away because she felt her child looked so odd that she didn’t want to be rude and outright stare. When the Greys saw her reaction, they took her child away and Melinda recounted having horrible guilt over turning away from her child.

Apparently, many years later, when the child had grown to an adult, Melinda was shown her hybrid daughter for the second time and she profusely apologized to her, saying she loved her. She reported that the Greys seemed surprised that Melinda actually recognized her.

As a side note, Sedona is an extremely high vibe place allegedly, due to crystals that pleiadians placed underground in preparation for quote “the shift” to a new Earth—which I’ll talk about in another episode. Who doesn’t love a cliffhanger that sounds batshit crazy?

Back to hybrids, another interesting component is that not all the hybrid children conceived by Greys live their lives in space. Some of them look 100% human, the same way an interracial couple could conceive a child that looks just like one parent, and these hybrids live their lives on Earth. They’re usually gifted too, incredibly intelligent. They probably were the little shits that were in my elementary school’s gifted program. They called it Apex. I was so god damn irritated as a kid that I wasn’t in Apex. Why the fuck was it even called Apex? Were they training these kids to be dictators? I could have been a great dictator. Your loss, Lakeside Elementary.

Now the last thing I’ll share, before we talk about a couple interesting encounter stories, is a message shared from the Family of Taygeta.

You’ll hear about the Family of Taygeta a lot in this podcast. The website “familyoftaygeta.com” is curated by Judith and her son Kabamur Taygeta. Allegedly, they are pleiadian starseeds. That’s an important word—starseed. A starseed is an alien in origin that chose to live a human life. I know, stick with me. Sometimes starseeds know their origin and sometimes, they have no idea. Judith and Kabamur know exactly who they are. Allegedly, Judith is able to communicate and receive telepathic messages from the remainder of her pleiadian family that are not currently living as humans, which is then shared on their website and Kab’s Twitter.

I LOVE the Family of Taygeta and through these channeled messages they shed light on things like spirituality, UFOs, extraterrestrial races and plenty of out-there conspiracy theories (kind of like this podcast!). The jury’s still out if they're legit, but my phone buzzes literally anytime Kabamur types a single letter on Twitter. I’m fascinated by them, and concerning the Greys, the Family of Taygeta shared what I’m about to read—and note, I edited a few things out for optimal clarity. I’m not sure why I just used the phrase “optimal clarity” like a corporate tool, but let's continue:

Standing approximately four feet tall with Grey skin and large black eyes, the Zeta Greys carry the image of what many humans think of as an alien. Their star of origin is known to you as the Zeta Reticuli star system. 

As the Zetas frequented the Earth in the early 1950s, there were meetings with Eisenhower's military. The technology of cloning was rampant and advancing with the Zetas. The dark forces of the cabal seized the opportunity to gain knowledge from the Zetas in exchange for allowing them free access to travel to locations and glean information for themselves (in other words, permission to abduct humans). 

There were hundreds of abductions and many lived in fear as the Zetas were seen regularly. Many people would not reveal their experience for fear they would not be believed. Others told everyone that would listen and they became exploited as movies were made and books written that never told the true story. Zetas captured these innocent souls and conducted tests, took samples and gleaned information. They had never understood boundaries until the Galactic Federation stepped in! (Boundaries, Greys, boundaries). Also please check out my wife's song on Spotify called “Boundaries.” That’s not a joke, it’s a shameless plug. Ali Schwartz. Like Ali Schwartz. 

You will never observe another craft or a Zeta in your reality of perception! Their presence continued with diminished episodes until approximately 2010. Zetas are not a threat to humanity! Think of them as passive-aggressive beings! In confusion with a bit of arrogance.

One thing mentioned was the cabal, and that’s something we’ll explore more in later episodes—as well as cloning. Yes, that’s right, cloning. Sounds insane, I know, but you just listened to me read a passage about a group of aliens talking about another group of aliens, so how dare you call me insane.

In reality, the Family of Taygeta didn’t deep dive into all the sick shit the Greys did, they used kid gloves with us humans—but don’t worry, we already covered that, as I clearly have issues.

Now, onto some famous sighting and abduction stories. Let’s talk about kidnapping!

One particular case worth mentioning is the abduction of Travis Walton. Walton was part of a crew hired by the government to thin out a bunch of trees in an Arizona forest. Who the fuck knew there was a forest in Arizona? One night after work, part of the crew was driving when they spotted something odd hovering above the trees. Travis got out of the car, ran towards the object—which was a UFO—and a beam of light shone down on him. The group of men drove away in panic, and when they returned shortly after, Walton was gone and would not be seen again for 5 days. When he reappeared, he had a wild story to tell, which he wrote about in his book The Walton Experience. That book also inspired the movie Fire in the Sky. Walton even appeared on Joe Rogan’s podcast.

“And that’s all I have to say about that." That was my poor Forrest Gump impression.

I’m unsure if it was a hoax or not, but definitely worth looking into.

Perhaps, the best evidence that ever emerged was at the Ariel School in Zimbabwe in 1994. You should definitely check out that story which, at the time of this recording, could be watched on Netflix through the show Encounters, a mini-documentary series from Steven Spielberg. All episodes are worth a watch, but the Ariel School encounter is episode 2 and titled “Believers.”

Long story short, several Grey crafts landed in the Ariel School fields during recess like a bunch of non-subtle idiots and a ton of kids were suddenly staring at these aliens, standing next to their saucers like a bunch of giant-eyed creepers. I feel like the Greys had their weird-ass hands way too deep in the cookie jar at that point. Like maybe one of them was drunk flying and the other aliens were like “Ronald, Jesus Christ, it’s the middle of the day, why would you land here? Can’t you get anything right? Well great, now we have to show ourselves in broad daylight. God damn it, Ronald.” That’s right, Ronald is back again. Strap on that ol’ diaper, Ronnie boy!

So the Greys are just standing there and what do they do? They pivot to self-righteousness and start communicating telepathically to these children, implanting audio in their heads—no big deal—talking about how humans aren’t good stewards of the planet and other warnings about the state of the environment.

Oh look at you, Greys, about to abduct a bunch of children and now you wanna get all environmental on us. It’s literally a Dateline NBC move.

 “Excuse me Ronald, what were you planning on doing with that 12-year-old boy and this bottle of vodka?”

 “Uhhh nothing, just wanted to warn him of the dangers of global warming in our favorite, matching PJ’s.”

Unbelievable. (GOB voice) Shame on you if you don’t fuck with Arrested Development.

And of course children can lie—I lied to my sister for years that we’d split the profits of my piggy bank—but there were dozens of kids sharing the same details after their encounter. And if I remember correctly, all of the children that experienced contact were asked to draw what they saw in the immediate aftermath, in isolation, and all of the drawings looked the same.

Aliens, Einstein. Nice guess. Don’t you dare question the validity of children’s drawings, you piece of spiritual skeptic piece of shit! Don’t you dare crush their spirit! You can get more details from the documentary because I’m too lazy to recount the entirety of it through spoken word, but I do think it’s one of the most captivating pieces of evidence for the existence of extraterrestrials.

Moving on—one of the most famous abduction cases is the Barney and Betty Hill story. This has been spoken about a million times. It’s got a Wikipedia page, the whole nine yards. And the answer is yes, I have donated to Wikipedia before because I’m a good person. Unfortunately, they now won’t leave me the fuck alone because I donated 3 dollars 7 years ago.

So, Betty and Barney Hill were newlyweds in the 1960s, driving home from their honeymoon when they came across what appeared to be a flying saucer. The funny thing is, minus the abduction, that sounds like a dream ending to a honeymoon for a weirdo like me.

They observed the UFO from a distance with binoculars, but when it started darting around they knew it was something else—and plot twist, they very quickly found the craft hovering over them. Barney apparently stepped out of the car—smart thinking, you fucking purple dinosaur—peered into his binoculars and noticed a bunch of Grey aliens in the craft. THEN one of those motherfuckers telepathically communicates and tells Barney to stay where he is. At least the Greys have a high EQ, not creeping poor Barney the fuck out immediately.

Naturally, Barney sprints back to his car, they take off driving, and they hear some weird noises and before they know it, they’re back in their car 35 miles from the abduction spot with no awareness of what just happened. Remember—screen memories.

Before being dropped off in the wrong place—0 stars to your Uber rating, Greys—they were brought onto a craft and experimented on. Skin samples were taken and apparently the Greys wanted to learn more about their spines. It’s a backbone, you fucking creeps—get over it.

So they’re dropped off, their memories are wiped, but as I’ve graciously taught you—you don’t feel spry after an abduction. They felt weird, groggy, and confused.

One crazy thing that stood out to me was immediately AFTER the abduction, Betty apparently said to her husband, “Do you believe in extraterrestrials now?” And even though they were just abducted and dropped off in the wrong spot, ALL they remembered was merely seeing the craft. And despite feeling shaken, Barney responded to Betty, “Of course not, honey. That's ridiculous.”

You know what it was? A frame job by the Greys, to make Barney look as pretentious as possible… but seriously, how fucking nuts is that?

A great place to watch a documentary about this story is on Discovery Plus. They also offer a free, week-long trial and at the time of this recording you can sign up, cancel your subscription and still have access for the week—stick it to the man, am I right? Corporate pricks!

The Betty and Barney Hill alien abduction story. I recommend checking it out if you’re sick in the head like me and might enjoy having trouble sleeping at night.

That concludes episode 1, folks! What have we learned here today? 5 key takeaways:

1. The Greys are total douchebags and with permission from the US government, they used to abduct people to experiment on them and even create human/alien hybrids.
2. Pleiadians are a benevolent race of extraterrestrials.
3. Dave & Buster’s is truly incredible.
4. Sometimes I think I’m Mrs. Trunchbull.
5. If you see any Greys, let the Galactic Federation know—because they’re not supposed to be here.

You're still here? My god. Guess I'm not the only crazy one after all. Until next time, this is Seth Borkowski signing off. Stay weird, you beautiful bastards.